There may be no cliche you hear more (in regards to relationships) more than, “Nice guys finish last”. I’ve heard it so much that I have gone from simply believing it, to embracing it, to denouncing it, time and time and again. However, I can say, through unrelenting personal experience that it isn’t entirely untrue.
If you look at all our great love stories, whether it be on film, television, books, etc, unrequited love is huge. This is where the nice guy finish last thing stems from, in my opinion. Odessyus had to travel through all kinds of hell before returning home to his Penelope. Romeo wound up banished over his love for Juliet. Jim had to put it all on the line several times before finally winning Pam. These are the heroes having to go through hell to get the girls they wont. They are nice guys, all of them, but it ain’t easy for them.
I like to consider myself a decent guy. Sure I have my bouts of sarcasm, insensitivity, and over all wise-assness. I have my issues, but then again, who doesn’t. There have been many situations where I have been the upstanding guy, the guy you can call at 3 AM when you are drunk and need a ride home, the guy who will lend a shoulder, ear, any other appendix too, the “nice” guy. Suffice to say, these girls are never the ones I wind up with. There have also been times where I have been kind of an asshole to girls. Maybe not in the traditional, pro-active asshole kind of way, but I’ve done things I’m not proud of. It’s more like the jerky, wish-washy, apathetic form of douchebaggery. I think everybody has their moments of assholeness.
The girls I have been nice to end up being “What ifs”, and the girls I have been a jerk to are the ones that have stuck around, and been impossible to get rid of. It’s almost a challenge to be able to get rid of a girl through sheer assholeness. I have a few friends who have been through similar experiences.
So why do girls go for the asshole? And why do guys act like jerks to the nice girls, the ones who like them enough to put up with their bullshit?
Any guy would much rather go for the challenge. They are the ones that you really have to work to get. Therein lies the appeal. It’s an accomplishment. Just how girls always want the asshole, guys always want the girl we have to win over. We want the girl who will keep us on our toes. Doormats, girls that let us get away with being a jerk, they are boring. They are safe and reliable. Some guys like that. Some guys will meet a girl, charm her, and with a month begin the decline into jerkdom. Why? Because they right there have begun a nice cycle that destroys both people. Sure, this cycle happens in every relationship, but it’s the bad kind of ruin.
It’s not so much as “Nice guys finish last” as it is, “Unchallenging guys finish last”. The assholes present a challenge. Just like how the bad boy is the cliche that all the girls find popular. There is something there that you just want to change, if only you could. If a guy is already willing to bend over backwards for you, then he essentially has nowhere to go but down. He’s nice, he’s great, and maybe the challenge is to keep topping himself to keep the girl interested. But with the jerk, you can reform him. You can make him sweet, charming, heart-warming. You can turn him into a better man.
I guess one of the big questions is that whether or not love is easy or hard. People who have found the right person will tell you that it’s easy. The huddled, embittered, single masses will tell you hard. Do we make it hard? Is it really so easy? Like I have said in here, people love a challenge. We’ve been taught the love is the reward. Relationships are a muddled mess of games. If people were always themselves, maybe it would be a lot easier. If we went for the nice guy, the unchallenging guy, it sure would be easier. Would it be as rewarding? Doesn’t it make it that much better when you are in a great relationship, after going through hell in the dating world. You never want to settle. I think a lot of people who wind up with assholes and doormats, they settle. They take the easy path. They are stuck with their one sided challenge, when it’s really about challenging each other.
So, is Obama the nice guy or asshole?
Do not let this get in the way of the really big news about the meaning of CHANGE:
Obama announced all Gitmo detainees will become Acorn paid “volunteers” eligible for free houses as part of Tarp bailout.
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Reasons Why I Hate Girls.
This is great. You have channeled my entire existence.
I am the nice guy.
I hate women because they make me bitter.
Awww, you can’t knock all “nice guys.” My boyfriend is one of the nice guys. After dating a fair string of bad boys, it eventually gets old after you’ve learned your lesson. I like my sweet, shy, quiet boyfriend. No stress involved.
I don’t know. I’ve definitely dated the jerk and the nice guy. I fell hard for the jerk but ended it soon after realizing he was indeed a jerk (I’m not the kind of girl to stick around trying to make him change) and as for the nice guy, I dated him for four or five months desperately trying to fall in love with him because he was so nice. In the end though, he was more of a girl than I was and it had to end. Be a nice guy, but be A MAN.
All of this talk about being the nice guy and being the asshole, how about being an individual; your own person. And if she can’t take that, tell her to get stuffed.
Ok silly telling a girl to get stuffed well man that is being the “asshole”, and yeah I am a nice and attractive but I still cant seem to get a decent girl. I get crazy bitches and I mean the ones who make up lies and try to get you arrested. But one thing about that so called “asshole”, Ive been through more stuff, seen more shit, done more than most of anyone will have ever done in their entire life and im only 24. But ive been brought up to help others and now I seem to be stuck in a world where I hate everything now. So honestly screw being a nice guy, an individual, an asshole whatever, because whatever you do it wont change the world or how most people perceive you. And great to those girls who found a nice guy and stuck with him but guess what, you went through the assholes and now your pretty used up honestly the nice guy took you because the “asshole” has probably ran through you so many times that your useless and he took you because he was probably desperate like i have been and said fuck it, its a girl to show me some affection when honestly you “women” dont even deserve a guy like us. So please get your std’s from these guys that you met at the bar, get knocked up, and then come crying to us to help you out cause hes such a dick and then dont listen to us when we give you damn good advice. So to the girls who want to go after the assholes and come back to us go fuck yourself and live in misery just like you have put us through.
Well, if you put more work into something, you’re more likely to stick with it right? Jerks take more work. So the initial bad boy appeal is a draw and the hard work is a net. The perfect “nice guy” doesn’t have either, so he has to have many other attributes to qualify.
I have never been dating and have yet to find a ‘first love’ and honestly, this blog is making me a bit queasy.
I disagree about what aliki said and I think the initial blog was right about guys declining into jerkdom gradually.
For your information, aliki, there are some girls just not settling with assholes for a while and who just wants someone whos gonna respect her and treat her right. But what happens when you meet a nice guy, and u think hes the nicest guy on earth but over the months, he turns out to be gradually the biggest asshole on earth. He’s far out one of my biggest disappointment to discover he was actually the complete opposite of what I thought he was, an asshole, when i thought i was finally with a nice guy. I guess that’s what long distance does to a relationship…
I too find to be hating everything now: the individual, the asshole AND the nice guy.
Last but not least comment: all the bad decisions about how ur choosing ur partner and they all turn out to be bad choices (too nice or too jerky)…well deep down can’t u see ur the common person between all those mistakes. how can u explain 2 people who meet and date for 10 years or successful marriages?? what im realizing is that I don’t know how to choose a partner, i make bad judgments, and that’s my fault, not anyone else’s…
i think girls just go for the guy they think they can change, it’s kinda like if your given the choice between; a safe route that promises it’s given fun and sorts then most will take it, where as if there’s a less safe route promising a possibility of more fun then more will probably take it. you just have to find the happy middle and ride that my friend. thats what i do, you be nice but give them the sense that “hey he might actually be worth my time”.
this is very true… i have experienced it.. I treated the her good, i listened,i cooked for her, i was the perfect gentleman,i gave her what she wanted but in the end she preferred the guy who’d curse at her and threaten to hit her, and was an overall asshole….it has happened to me a couple of time, i then came to the conclusion that girls/women are idiots.
wow very good it seems as if you know what you are talking about. Do you read any books like Double your dating, and the game? Or watch Alex Coulson’s videos. Very well written article also I like how you introduced these legendary romance novels and shown how much they have to do.
This reminds me of a good example of Alex Coulson going through.
One day her mom or grandma I forgot what which one to pay for everything when he went out for the girl. Alex paid for everything and he never saw her again. hahaha.