Reasons Why I Hate Girls

 Kermit. Fozzie. Miss Piggy. Animal. Beaker. Dr. Teeth. The whole gang. Throughout my life the Muppets have been a constant force. Sure, they have been through many stages and variations over the years. The 70s brought us the classic Muppet show, and the golden trio of Muppet Movies (The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, and Muppets In Manhattan)

Then came the 80s, which brought us, what many 80s kids remember extremely fondly, Muppet Babies.

Then came the 90s, what one would consider a dark turn for the muppets. Muppets Tonight, while stylistically similar to the classic Muppet Show, was a less-than-stellar follow up. This also began the trend of putting the muppets into classic stories. This brought us, Muppet Treasure Island, A Muppet Christmas Carol (which is actually great) and Muppet Wizard of Oz…. really, The Wizard of Oz….with muppets? Who thought hey, this would be a great little film if we could just get rid of that Judy Garland, and toss a bunch of puppets in there. Somewhere along the way, people decided it would be great to acknowledge that the muppets weren’t human. You watch those original movies, and all the actor’s play it straight against the muppets. 

Of course for most of us, our interaction with those beloved muppets started with Sesame Street.  I have fond memories of Kermit the reporter.

Regardless of my fond memories with the gang, I have come across something rather upsetting in my relationship trials and tribulations: most girls think the muppets are stupid. Sure, there are some really stupid puns that make up the foundations of the muppet humor, but it really is just classic, good natured, clean adult fun. You see, the muppets were never originally marketed for children. They were target for adult audiences. Somewhere along the line, with the various sub-par muppet efforts, the general public, and ladies I have dated have lost that perception of the muppets.  

Ladies, why can’t you enjoy the muppets? I know there are some closet muppet lovers out there. For girls my age, the muppet love seems to max out at muppet babies. Now, this is a great first step, now wouldn’t you want to watch these same characters, who you already are familiar with, in a variety show, or go on zany capers? Maybe it takes baby steps, maybe I just have to force them to watch my dvd sets of The Muppet Show.  I find it hard to resist the charm of a vampire Kermit biting Vincent Price.  It’s just all around good fun. I guess I’m fighting an uphill battle, but if I can convert you gals to the muppets one by one I guess it’s worth it. For all the muppets have done for me, it is the least I can do for me.