Between the ages of 13 and 18, I learned an extremely valuable lesson: Do not actively chase a girl who is involved in a relationship. I don’t care how bad the relationship is, how much the girl constantly bitches about her boyfriend, if he’s a degenerate who is constantly cheating on her, don’t do it. Even if it is clearly obvious this relationship is doomed. I don’t care if the break up is years or minutes away. If you find yourself wanting a girl who is previously involved, stop, and walk away. If you really, really think the girl is worth it, wait it out. Don’t play the stealing game.
At one point during college, a friend of mine told me how him and his girlfriend started dating. Turns out he stole her from another guy. My first reaction was, “‘Dude, you are my hero”, because I had been in this situation at least 3 times prior. I thought surely it couldn’t be done. Years later, I find out the same person’s next relationship was started in a similarly dubious manner, and was just appalled.
So what changed in those years? Well, I suppose part of it was that I had been involved in a serious relationship myself, and would never want to be on the other end of that. Part of it, was I just grew up. I now realize that it is a pretty scummy thing to try and do to another person. What happened to honor? Respect? Decency? There are certain things you don’t do to other guys, and this one should be chief among them. What makes a man try and steal another man’s woman. No, I don’t mean to lay claim that any woman should belong to someone, but to go after another person’s significant other is just a pretty low thing to do. It really sucks to be on the other end of it, and I guess that’s a sympathy you can’t get unless your in the position, but it shouldn’t be too hard to imagine. There is a great Kurt Vonnegut line that I think people should really take to heart when dealing with other’s, “Please, a little less love, a little more common decency”. Religious values aside, the world would be a lot better place if we were just a little more decent to one another.
As a English major, I have countless examples of great love triangles from writings throughout the ages. In fiction, it all ends the same way: very badly. None of the involved parties ever walk away unscathed. Tom, Daisy, and Gatsby. Rick, Ilsa, and Victor. This particular brand of love triangle comes with a heavy burden. Let’s look at this. If I stole a girl from another guy, had a mad passionate affair, or even just a strong connection, during their tenure as a couple, how on earth am I supposed to trust her? If a girl was so flippant that she could form a connection like that, while with another guy, I’d be really paranoid that she would do the same thing to me. Seeing as trust should be at the foundation of any relationship, this is a huge building block to be missing when starting a budding relationship. This relationship is doomed from the start.
Posted by krisk on October 14, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Seen a few of these happening.
It seems to me that(cultural background aside) human emotions are very much the same any where on the globe.
Right on target.
Cheers for a great post.
Posted by Dan on October 15, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I disagree. As far as I see it, a guy can’t “steal” a girl from someone she’s dating, seriously or otherwise. If you’re out there in the dating world (and I assume most of us here are), you have to work to keep whomever you’re dating attracted to you. If some other guy comes and sweeps her off her feet and she leaves you, tough shit. He was just more awesome than you were. It’s not his fault that you couldn’t keep her interest. It’s yours. Most girls you’ll find that are worth dating are already dating someone else, for obvious reasons.
I actually really dislike the whole idea of this blog. I’m sure you don’t actually “hate” girls, otherwise you certainly wouldn’t write this blog. But I just have to say, girls are great. They’re fun to hang out with, fun to be around, fun to flirt with, and of course, fun to have lots of sex with. And hey, it’s even fun to chase girls. If you’re not having fun, there are 2 possible reasons:
1) You’re doing it wrong
– OR -
2) You’re too caught up in “finding the one perfect girl for you”
Now, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with looking for the perfect girl. In fact, I’m sure it’s what we’re all doing on some level. I’ve dated a lot of girls. Often more than one at a time. It comes down to this: none of those girls were perfect for me (or I’d probably still be with one of them). But I didn’t let that stop me from being a positive, upbeat, and fun individual and having a good time with those girls.
Your whole post is operating on an assumption similar to “she cheated on one of her previous boyfriends, how do I know she won’t cheat on me?” Honestly, you don’t. But I don’t feel that past action necessarily implies future behavior, especially when it comes to the complicated beast that is love, relationships, and dating.
Posted by Marina Rey on February 9, 2009 at 10:30 pm
I happen to agree with this post. It’s completely wrong and inappropriate to move in on someone else’s relationship, NO MATTER how bad it may be. However if the person being “wooed” truly was happy, no other person could take them from the relationship they’re in. And I’m speaking from experience.
Posted by Sam on June 4, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Yeah, I agree with this post. It’s just not very nice when it happens to you, and that’s as much reason as any decent guy should need not to do it to other men.