Between the ages of 13 and 18, I learned an extremely valuable lesson: Do not actively chase a girl who is involved in a relationship. I don’t care how bad the relationship is, how much the girl constantly bitches about her boyfriend, if he’s a degenerate who is constantly cheating on her, don’t do it. Even if it is clearly obvious this relationship is doomed. I don’t care if the break up is years or minutes away. If you find yourself wanting a girl who is previously involved, stop, and walk away. If you really, really think the girl is worth it, wait it out. Don’t play the stealing game. 

At one point during college, a friend of mine told me how him and his girlfriend started dating. Turns out he stole her from another guy. My first reaction was, “‘Dude, you are my hero”, because I had been in this situation at least 3 times prior. I thought surely it couldn’t be done. Years later, I find out the same person’s next relationship was started in a similarly dubious manner, and was just appalled. 

So what changed in those years? Well, I suppose part of it was that I had been involved in a serious relationship myself, and would never want to be on the other end of that. Part of it, was I just grew up. I now realize that it is a pretty scummy thing to try and do to another person. What happened to honor? Respect? Decency? There are certain things you don’t do to other guys, and this one should be chief among them. What makes a man try and steal another man’s woman. No, I don’t mean to lay claim that any woman should belong to someone, but to go after another person’s significant other is just a pretty low thing to do. It really sucks to be on the other end of it, and I guess that’s a sympathy you can’t get unless your in the position, but it shouldn’t be too hard to imagine. There is a great Kurt Vonnegut line that I think people should really take to heart when dealing with other’s, “Please, a little less love, a little more common decency”. Religious values aside, the world would be a lot better place if we were just a little more decent to one another. 

As a English major, I have countless examples of great love triangles from writings throughout the ages. In fiction, it all ends the same way: very badly.  None of the involved parties ever walk away unscathed. Tom, Daisy, and Gatsby. Rick, Ilsa, and Victor. This particular brand of love triangle comes with a heavy burden. Let’s look at this. If I stole a girl from another guy, had a mad passionate affair, or even just a strong connection, during their tenure as a couple, how on earth am I supposed to trust her? If a girl was so flippant that she could form a connection like that, while with another guy, I’d be really paranoid that she would do the same thing to me. Seeing as trust should be at the foundation of any relationship, this is a huge building block to be missing when starting a budding relationship. This relationship is doomed from the start.